P.S. I can't hear my feet
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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