all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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