This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
