I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
