marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
