we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
