meet me or not, i'm out of control
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
