i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
