My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
