i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
