I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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