i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
