My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
