I would go down on you faster than GM stock
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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