Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
