Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
