i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
