take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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