i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
