dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
