If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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