You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
