No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
