they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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