When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
