i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
