it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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