Please, let me fuck your mom
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
