We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
