a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
