As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
