i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
