hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
