life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
