porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
