what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
