my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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