Who did Billy Mays play for?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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