Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
