Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
