Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize