wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
