is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
