what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
