my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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