I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think a kid would responsible me up
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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