I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize