ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
