Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
