You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
