turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
