Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
