Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
