My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
