i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
