So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
