he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize