What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
pop tarts are not kleenex
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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