Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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