he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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