I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
