I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize