I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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