Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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