My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
