her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
