this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The beer is more important than you right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
